I know I shouldn´t cry

Ambivalent (like always) <3 ?
I never thought I could cry like a child
I didn´t miss you until you went away
And that´s when I started to cry more than the sky itself
/Tears don´t fall they crash around me/
My cheek was wet and the tears hasn´t dried yet.
After crying, after trying not to go back, I became empty. Like a hole, so dark and cold. I feel nothing and that feels good.
Then I felt a stonehand around my heart. It´s painful to be here without you, cuse then I´m all alone. A hand around my heart and breathing is hard. I know I shouldn´t cry. I know I should be happy to know you, I know I should be happy that I´m able to see you at all. But when you´re not around I can´t help it. I´m too week I guess.
I´m falling to pieces and I don´t know why. I can´t even see the letters on the table cause I´m crying. I can´t stand this. Or well I have to. But I´m just so fucking insane. I miss you but I don´t know why. The music makes it even harder cuse every fucking word is about you. I want to be right beside you but I don´t know what to do when Im there. Is it love? ´
[Oh my god I hate you so much because what you did to me. Or am I wrong? Isn´t it right, isn´t it love? Why did you make me this cold and afraid of love?]
Anyway... Is it love when evertime you say that someone else is cute I feel like I want to hang myself? Is it love when (almost) everytime I see you I get like these tiny butterflies in my stomack? Is it love when my body is shaking everytime you´re lying next to me?
Is i love when I want to kiss you everytime you´re smiling at me? I´m just afraid it wil be wrong. I´m just afraid I will regret it. But who am I and who are you? why does it have to be so hard.
I´m not miserable, I just miss you